


Ask Me To Stay

by QRN



Category: Downton Abbey
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-12
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-06 07:35:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 19,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5408390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QRN/pseuds/QRN
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How could she stay without Becky? How could she leave without Charles? How was she supposed to decide?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Everything is perfect....or is it?

**Author's Note:**

> This came as a flash of an idea from Meetmeinstlouie's fic 'Jolene'. Its based on the amazing book 'If I Stay" by Gail Foreman. Already posted on Fanfic.net

Elsie had always loved it when it snowed, the peacefulness of it, pureness and frigid cold that shocked you to the core. It was the kind of snow that fell almost instantly and coated the world around them with a white canvas, the only spot of colour being the green of the pine trees around them. It was like something out of a Christmas card and not for the first time in her life she almost wished they owned a donkey. She was almost sad to be leaving it, exchanging it for the heat of Africa and the gold of the African plains.

"ITTTSSSS HOLIDAY TIME!" She heard Thomas shout from the top of the stairs followed by a whoop and a giggle from Becky. Elsie smiled into her steaming cup of tea and continued to gaze out of the frosted window and contemplate the merits of snow. It was the perfect snow for building a snowman or having a snowball fight. Elsie, loved Christmas time because suddenly every children's book being written was about snow which let her paint different scenes of it over and over again. She wondered if it would be possible to sketch a quick drawing of the scene before they left.

"Don't tell me you're thinking of staying here, purely so you can play in the snow and catch a chill." Thomas said from behind her. She turned to find him leaning in the arch way that led from their sitting room to the kitchen, clutching his own steaming cup and wearing a knowing smirk.

"Its very tempting" she admitted with a shrug "I love snow."

"But you'll love the sun even more!" he said "and you've always wanted to visit Africa."

"hmmm" she replied, returning to gaze out the window "this is true."

Thomas smirked and slurped his tea loudly, earning himself an eye-roll from her. She sighed and watched the snow for a few moments more before knocking the last dregs of her tea back and standing up. She looked up to find Becky watching her from on top of the stares with an excited smile.

"Okay" Elsie said, a grin spreading across her face "Let's get this show on the road!"

Thomas ditched his cup on the table she had been sitting next to and grabbed her and spun her round in a circle.

"My Affrrrriiiicccccaaaaannnnn ddrrrreeeeeaaaaaammmm" he sang loudly, off-key and right next to her ear. She laughed as he spun her round one more time before catching sight of the clock on the wall and yelling

"Bloody hell! Is that the time? Dear god, we're going to be late"

)0( )0(

Before she knew it she was buckled into the back seat of their bright green station wagon, surrounded with luggage and was in the middle of a heated argument with Becky and Thomas over what CD to play as they drove to the airport. The snow was forcing them to go fairly slowly, and Elsie was slightly worried that they would be late for their plane.

"Becky" Thomas eventually said "you've already got shot gun and an iPod. I'm afraid your argument is invalid. Elsie and I win."

Becky frowned but dutifully inserted her ear buds into her ears and started singing softly to herself. Elsie hoped she would enjoy Africa. Becky suffered from panic attacks very easily; hence she was in the front seat instead of in the back with half of Thomas' luggage. She was twenty two but had never gotten past age nine, and many didn't know how to handle her. The rhyme "There was a little girl, with a little curl right in the middle of her forehead" described her well. When she was calm she was the sweetest person you could ever hope to meet, but when she felt insecure or threatened she would throw a screaming fit and would only calm down once Elsie had wrapped her up in a blanket. It was usually people that scared her, so Elsie hoped that with her and Thomas around her they would get through this trip without any outbursts.

Thomas fiddled a CD at a traffic light and soon the sounds of Freddie Mercury filled the car. He glanced over at Becky, who didn't seem to notice that there was anything playing apart from whatever was playing in her ears. Satisfied, he glanced at Elsie in the review mirror.

"So" he said, drawing out the o "have you heard from him?"

"He emailed last night to wish me a good trip." Elsie replied "I think he must have been working night shift because it came in at 1 in the morning."

"Still shaky then?" Thomas asked pulling a sympathetic face. Elsie nodded and sighed

"Well then this trip has come at the exactly the right moment." He said "it'll give him a chance to miss you and a chance for you to clear your mind and think. Of course, he's been a right royal idiot, because you are fabulous, and if you vanish for awhile he'll start to see that."

He, was Elsie's boyfriend, if one could call him that at their age, and he and Elsie were currently going through a rough spot. His name was Charles Carson and he was everything Elsie had ever wanted in a man. He was kind, sweet, charming, had a good job and was a hard worker. But there were days when his comments to her were downright rude and Elsie had enough on her mind to worry about changing for a man. She loved him and she was fairly sure he loved her as well. But recently they seemed to be growing apart and the harder they both tried to hold on the harder it got. Elsie was supposed to go and visit him briefly before her flight, at the hotel that he was in the process of opening in the city, but after their most recent blow up she had told him that she thought it was better not to as she would have Becky with her. To her surprise he had agreed almost instantly and they hadn't spoken since until the email last night.

She fished out her phone and scrolled through her emails until she reached the one he had sent. She hadn't told Thomas just how shaky they were.

**To: Elsie Hughes**

**From: Charles Carson**

**Subject:Quick note.**

**Elsie, just a quick line to tell you to enjoy your trip to South Africa. When you get back would you mind popping into the hotel? We need to talk.**

**Charles.**

It was unlike him to sound so serious, so short and to the point. It was almost as though he was writing to one of his many guests than a woman he claimed he loved. She had replied that she would stop by on her way home, and spent a good half hour watching the snow fall outside her window and debating whether to add "Love, Elsie" at the end of the email. In the end she had opted to write "Thinking of you, Elsie" instead and let him make of it what he will.

"You're not going to spend out entire trip doing that are you?" Thomas asked, raising an eyebrow "checking your phone to see if he's texted? Insisting we stop at everywhere with wi-fi so you can check your email?"

"Of course not." She answered a little guiltily. When they had first gotten together she and Thomas had gone on a day trip to the sea and she had barely looked up from her phone once. Thomas was not happy and threatened to throw her phone out of the car window. He eventually did, but it was accident. When they had gotten home, a fuming Elsie had gotten out of the car to find a very worried Charles sitting on their doorstep. Thomas had merely rolled his eyes and disappeared inside the house. "Besides, he knows I won't have any signal there and I doubt he wants to hear from me every day."

"Try every hour." Thomas muttered to himself and Elsie replied by sticking her tongue out at him.

"Oh I love this one! Turn it up! " She exclaimed and Thomas did so with a grin.

"CAN ANYBODY FIND ME SOMEBODY TOOOO LOOOVVVEEE" She and Thomas sang loudly, and Elsie threw in some dramatic dance moves with her shoulders

"You look like you have a stiff shoulder." Thomas said

"Shush!" Elsie hissed "You love me."

"I do." Thomas confirmed before singing the next line loudly and grinning when Becky removed her ear buds and sang along with him.

Elsie sat back in her seat and listened to them with a smile on her face. She was finally taking the trip she had always dreamed of, with two of the people she loved more than anything. When they got to the airport she would treat them all to a donut and one of those expensive coffees and she would deal with her love life when she returned, hopefully relaxed and happy. She listened to the guitars of queen and allowed herself one final look at her phone, where Beryl had just sent her a farewell text.

She felt as though the world was at her feet and she was about to embark on the biggest adventure of her life. She felt the car slow to take a curve and looked up from her phone to take in the scenery. It was then that she saw the large pickup truck heading straight for them

"THOMAS, LOOK OUT!" She screamed, just as everything went black.


	2. When I Saw You

When Elsie Hughes first met Charles Carson, she was furious. The day had started out as many of her others did, arguing with Thomas over who got the shower first, completing the usual hunt for her car keys, glugging down a cup of tea that was far too hot to be swallowed at that speed and dropping Becky off with her career. From there she had to do the hour long drive to the Downton hotel, where she was meeting with her manager and a client. The client in question, Mr Jospeh Moseley, was a temperamental man, who nitpicked everything and constantly doubted everything. Elsie would not have liked to be his publisher, but usually she found him very easy to handle. A smile here and there, a stern look when he got too ridiculous and before she knew it, papers were signed, painting and drawings were handed over and she walked off slighter richer than she had been before. He was quite a soft soul once you got to know him. On this particular day, however, Becky had refused to get out of the car when she was dropped off and Elsie was ashamed to admit that she had lost her temper with her. By the time she walked into the foyer of the immense hotel, she was more than half an hour late and he client and manager were growing more annoyed with every passing second . Mr Moseley had then delivered the news that he had decided to illustrate his own book and they would no longer be requiring the paintings she had done of Mr Whiskers and the Knitting Basket. They had agreed that they would pay her for her time and should they need her again they would be in touch. He had left abruptly after that and her manager had left shortly after that, feeling awkward with her defeated expression. Elsie resisted the urge to bang her head against the posh table she was sitting at and made up for it by removing her reading glasses and rubbing her eyes. Suddenly a glass of wine was set down in front of her and she looked up in surprise to find a tall man giving her a sympathetic smile.

"I didn't order that." She said tiredly, placing her glasses on the table rolling her shoulders "and I still have to drive home."

"One glass won't hurt you, it's on the house" he replied in a deep baritone voice "and you looked like you could use it.

"You could say that." She agreed almost sarcastically before lifting her head and smiling gently "thank you. "

"We often have Mr Moseley in here, the only man I've ever known to complain about a whiskey. But he's not so bad." The man supplied "just gets some odd ideas in his head sometimes."

"I know" Elsie sighed, remembering the day he had decided to meet at a swimming pool because the book was about a shark. "he's perfectly entitled to use whatever paintings he likes in his books. It's just been a rough day."

"Well maybe the wine will make better hmm?" The man said, raising one of his impressive eyebrows. Elsie let out a bitter laugh and raised the glass of wine

"Cheers to that!"

"Elsie!" a voice called and Elsie turned to find her plump red head friend heading towards her "I nearly forgot we were supposed to be meeting for lunch today, and had a batch of biscuits in the oven when Daisy reminded me. Bless her soul the girl agreed to finish them off for me, no doubt she'll have eaten them all by the time I get home, but anyway here I am. I see you've met Charles? I hope he hasn't been rude."

Elsie blinked at the tirade and hurriedly took a sip of her wine. Beryl dumped her bag on the floor next to her chair and huffed, blowing a few loose curls out of her face.

"You forgot didn't you?" she asked, frowning at Elsie's bewildered expression

"Eating at my hotel Beryl?" the man, Charles, cut in "You're not still trying to steal my chef again are you?"

"Of course not." Beryl scoffed, impatiently pushing the curls away again as they fell into her eyes once more "I couldn't pay him nearly as much as you can."

"Your hotel?" Elsie repeated, resisting the urge to shake her head to clear it "You own this place?"

"Ha!" Beryl said "He certainly acts like it. No, Charles is only the manager, been here since it started and the place wouldn't have been nearly as successful as it has been without him. Don't let that go to your head" She added, catching sight of his smug smile out of the corner of her eye. "You were unbearable for six months after it was awarded its fifth star. "

"I was not." He said, blinking at her

"Yes you were." Beryl replied, in a child like manner.

"I am going to go back to my paperwork" he said in an annoyed tone "I will let you two girls get on with your gossiping. Don't look at me like that Beryl, that's all you ever do."

With that he gave them a small bow and walked off, eyeing a waiter who was in the process of laying a table. The two women watched him go before Elsie turned back to her friend and cocked her head in question.

"What?" Beryl asked

"You seem like good friends." Elsie said "How come I've never met him before?"

Beryl grabbed Elsie's glass from her and took a sip before handing it back with a shrug

"We're not really. We went to school together when we were younger and he comes round for dinner every now and then. I'd have introduced you but I didn't think you'd like him. Oh don't get me wrong "she added at Elsie's expression "he's very nice, but he tends to wander around like he has a carrot stuck up his arse. Far too rigid for you."

"I thought he was a waiter!" Elsie exclaimed "mean while he's the manager of a fancy five star hotel. God can this day get any worse."

Beryl cackled to herself

"Please tell you tried to tip him? Oh what I would have given to see his face."

"I didn't try to tip him, but knowing me I probably could have." Elsie sighed. Beryl made a sympathetic face and waved a menu at her

"Come on, let's order lunch and you can tell me what happened today. Forgive me but you look like hell."

Elsie sighed and opened her own menu. She didn't do men as a rule. She had too much to worry about in her life, what with Becky and her job and she could only imagine the comments she would get from Thomas if she had a man come to pick her up or give her flowers. She knew several comments about her age would be mentioned. But if she was looking for someone, she had to admit that Charles Carson might be in with a chance. Unfortunately, Beryl was right. She looked like hell.

Yet much later when she and Beryl had giggled their way through lunch and she was feeling infinitely better, she passed him on her way out.

"Looks like the glass of wine did the trick." He said, looking up from a sheaf of paperwork

"It did." She said, smiling as she slid her sun glasses onto the top of her head and fished out her keys. "Thank you."

"Anything for a pretty lady." He had said as a waiter handed him a clipboard. She smiled a little wider and gave him a small wave. Maybe Beryl was wrong. Maybe she didn't look like hell after all. The temptation to deviate to the ladies room to check her hair in the mirror was almost overwhelming, but Elsie forced herself to walk to her car. It was only when she was about to drive off that she caught sight of herself in the mirror and groaned aloud.

))((

The first thing her mind registered was the sirens, followed by the hiss of the hot engine against the snow. Elsie opened her eyes and blinked up at the tall trees above her. The snow had stopped and the trees were glittering with the frost that clung to the pine needles. She was more than content to lie there and enjoy the beauty of it all but the sirens were getting closer. She pushed herself up and discovered she was sitting in the middle of a snow drift. Miraculously she didn't seem to be hurt. But then she saw the car, so dented she barely recognized it as theirs. The pickup truck that had gone into them had veered off to the opposite side of the road and the driver appeared to be unconscious. The front window of her car was smashed, and the one door had completely sheared off, landing a few meters away. She slid down the bank and crept a bit closer. Ironically the radio was still playing, the start of Bohemian Rhapsody beginning. It was unbelievable, considering most of the engine was crumpled. Her phone was lying next to the car, broken into several pieces and completely dead.

The sirens came even closer, and soon the sound of shouts and slamming doors joined the radio. Elsie looked up to see an ambulance and several police cars had pulled up in front of her car. She raised an arm to wave but they didn't seem to notice her.  
"Please, find my sister!" Elsie called out and one paramedic ran to the car. Equipment was produced and soon paramedics were dragging Thomas out the car.

"The driver, male, estimated age early thirties. Not breathing, no heartbeat, severe damage done to back and lower stomach" a young looking man shouted out and another paramedic ran up. She watched as they fussed over him before the older one looked up and shook his head. The younger one motioned for his companions who produced a body bag. Elsie felt rather than heard a scream leave her throat as she blindly pushed her way towards him. No one tried to stop her as she leant over him, desperately calling his name. There didn't appear to be a mark on him apart from a few scratches on his face, but then the blood started seeping out from under his body and staining the tarmac beneath him.

"No." Elsie murmured to herself over and over again, slowly backing away and shaking her head. The terror suddenly hit her like a tidal wave and she staggered under the weight of it.

"We've got another." The young paramedic called out and Elsie turned to see him leaning over Becky. She had cuts all over her face and her leg was bent at an odd angle. She wasn't awake but she had an oxygen mask on and they were quickly inserting a line into her arm.

"Let's get her out of here." The older paramedic shouted and they quickly started wheeling her towards the ambulance, just as another drew up next to it.

"Be careful with her" she told the paramedic as they loaded her in "She's not good with strangers; you might have to sedate her. Her name is Becky Hughes. She's mentally disabled. "

The paramedics climbed in after her and Elsie was about to follow, when the paramedic slammed the doors in her face and the ambulance tore off. Elsie managed to catch a glimpse at the name and breathed a sigh of relief. It was the hospital where Isobel worked. She would hear what had happened and make sure Becky was alright.

"We've got another!" Elsie turned, fully expecting to see them tending to the other driver but was shocked when they still seemed to be next to her car. She didn't move, but watched as they worked on the other body. The body was quickly wheeled to the next ambulance, surrounded by paramedics; all trying desperately to keep whomever it was alive. She craned her neck to see, but could only see an arm that was dangling over the edge of the stretcher. She felt her blood run cold as the battery of the engine finally died, leaving the air free of music. It was eerily quiet, apart from the shouts of the paramedics and the sounds of traffic being backed up further up the road. Elsie battled to catch a breath, unable to believe what she was seeing. The arm was wearing a bracelet. A beautiful silver bracelet that Charles had given her six months ago. She hadn't taken it off since.


	3. A Corkscrew If You Please

The ambulance ride was choppy at best, with the curves in the road and the ice patches that lingered. Several branches had also snapped and fallen across parts of the road in several places. Elsie forced herself into a corner of the van and tried to stay out of the paramedics way as they worked to keep her alive. She supposed that if it was her body that they working on, there wasn't a solid form to get in their way but she wasn't ready to test the theory. It was, after all, her life she might be gambling with.

Her body was a mess, both her legs appeared to be broken, and her collarbone. She was covered in gashes and the skin seemed to have almost totally removed on the left side of her body. They seemed to be worried about her spleen as well. The truth was that they were astounded that she was still alive.

Lines were inserted, oxygen mask placed on her face and gauze was stuck on various places all over her body. Yet all she could stare at was the beautiful bracelet that adorned her right hand wrist. It was a made of two thick silver chains and in the middle was a dragon fashioned out of a fiery red stone. Charles had given it to her as an apology after their first argument. Then it had simply seen as a lovers tiff, and it was only many months later that she recognized as the beginning of the end. Yet she hadn't been able to make herself take it off and give it back to him. It was her symbol of hope, a simple reminder that she could have something normal in her life, that there was someone there to look after her, instead of her looking after everyone else.

She wondered if he was thinking of her. Pausing in his rounds around the hotel to glance at the old fashioned pocket watch he insisted on using instead of a normal watch, and remembering that she would be arriving in the city any minute from now. Of course, he would be expecting her to be getting on a plane with her sister and roommate, about to go on a trip of a life time, one she had been looking forward to for months. Instead, she would arriving in the back of an ambulance, broken and fighting for her life. She wondered if Beryl or Isobel would tell him when they heard, and if he would come as soon as he got the news. A small part of her, one that was buried deep inside, wondered if he would even care enough to leave his beloved hotel.

**(())(())**

"Why is he here?" Elsie hissed, as she poured herself a rather large glass of wine. She was leaning against the island in the middle of Beryl's kitchen and wishing to god she had taken Thomas's advise and changed out of her jeans and boring sweater before she came to dinner. She had arrived fifteen minutes earlier and had come in through the kitchen door like she usually did, knowing that Beryl got vexed when she had to come to the front door while cooking. She had been puzzled to hear Bill chatting away with someone, as she was usually the only one invited to these meals and had inquired as to who it was. Beryl had replied that it was Charles Carson, the man who had given her a glass of wine at the hotel a few weeks ago.

Beryl leant over the oven and pulled out a rather large roast chicken.

"You seemed to like one another when you met at the hotel the other day, and you both need a proper home cooked meal. I was killing two birds with one stone." She answered, her voice slightly muffled as she closed the oven door.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Elsie demanded, feeling a little offended. It wasn't as though she had invited herself, or that she didn't know how to cook.

"I only meant it saves me from having to do two dinners. He usually doesn't like my friends, so I used the opportunity to combine."

"What makes you think he likes me? He barely knows me." Elsie said as calmly as she was able.

"Jesus, what's with the questions?" Beryl asked, turning around and giving Elsie a searching look. "He was civil to you wasn't he? Granted, he doesn't know that you're an artist instead of something more practical yet, but he hasn't been rude or condescending yet, so you've definitely captured his interest."

"You don't exactly paint him in a very good light, do you?" Elsie asked, raising both eyebrows. Beryl sighed and removed her oven gloves, before mimicking Elsie's stance by leaning against the counter opposite her.

"Charles is great" she said "you call him and he'll be there. He's kind and sweet and caring, and he'll stop at nothing when he sets his heart on something. But he's perfectionist and if something doesn't live up to his very high standards, he can be condescending and downright rude at times."

"I see." Elsie said

"Beryl, do you happen to have-?" a familiar voice boomed, before a body appeared in the kitchen doorway and stopped dead at the sight of Elsie standing there, looking perfectly at home. "oh hello." He said "Er, you look nice." He hovered awkwardly for a few seconds before Beryl spoke.

"Yes?"

He started and waved a bottle of wine at her

"A corkscrew. Do you have a corkscrew?" he said, still eyeing Elsie out of the corner of his eye. Beryl frowned

"I'm sure I left one of the side board." She said thoughtfully "I usually do."

"Oh yes you did." He said quickly "but its one of those airpump ones."

"Yeah and?" Beryl asked, looking more and more perplexed. Charles gave her an affronted look

"Well, they put pressure on the wine. You're supposed to let it breath. Despite the fact that they're rather dangerous because of the long needle, and the force of the air..."

Beryl's eyes started to glaze over as he continued to rabbit on about the corkscrew, and Elsie could see on her face she was trying not to be rude.

"So anyway, do you have another? Preferably a two prong one."

Beryl sighed and shot a quick glance towards Elsie as if to say "I told you so." Before turning to rummage in a drawer.

"Why don't you have some of this?" Elsie asked, picking up the bottle of wine that was next to her "seeing as its already open."

Charles looked over at it and studied the label. It wasn't anything fancy, just something she had picked up at her local supermarket on the way here. It wasn't chilled, but it didn't usually bother them.

"er, yes, why not?" He answered and retreated into the living room, quickly returning with two glasses and Bill in tow.

"Elsie! Its good to see you!" Bill said, a wide grin spreading across his face as he came over to kiss her on the cheek. Elsie returned his embrace as Charles placed the glasses on the counter top. Elsie quickly filled them and handed them back to him and Bill. Bill took a swig and licked his lips

"Ah that's good. Thanks Els."

Charles followed suit, shuddered lightly but didn't say a thing. Beryl's look of surprise was almost comical

**(())(())**

The ambulance screeched to a halt, and the doors were thrown open. Doctors waited on the other side, ready and waiting to take charge of her body. Elsie waited until they had unloaded her, before jumping out and running after them. She lost track of all the twists and turns they took down many white, clinical corridors. They eventually reached a set of double doors that Elsie somehow knew led to the operating room. She skidded to a halt and watched as the Doctors shunted her body through and around a corner. She mentality debated following. She had no desire to watch them cut into her body and pull her limbs straight. But she had no where else to go. Part of her wondered if she had the choice to go anywhere she liked, seeing as she didn't seem to be in her body. She closed her eyes and thought of home, of Africa, of the Downton hotel and tapped her heels together, like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. Nothing happened.

"Dr Crawley?" a voice called and Elsie turned to see a young nurse, chasing down the hall after someone "you're needed in emergencies. A young woman came in from the car accident that happened on the airport road, completely hysterical. She's been calling for you."

Elsie watched as the colour drained from Isobel Crawley's face, watched as she swallowed before she took off running, pulling her phone out of her coat pocket and checking it as she did so. Elsie hovered for a moment before taking a deep breath and chasing after her.


	4. Dont Be Scared

Elsie followed Isobel as she ran down different corridors, through different waiting rooms and eventually skidded to a halt in an elevator that was heading down at a breakneck speed. While Isobel waited for the doors to open she frantically pushed buttons on her cell and held it up to her ear.

"Come on Elsie, pick up." She murmured to herself.

"The caller you have dialled is not available at present. Please try again later." A mechanical voice replied and Isobel returned the phone to her pocket. How Elsie wished she could do what she had asked, and answer the phone. But her phone was now lying in bits in the middle of an icy road, while her body was being operated on by a team of surgeons, in the same hospital that Isobel was currently standing in. The elevators doors slid open and Isobel rushed out, followed hotly by Elsie.

Becky was still on a stretcher, in the middle of a room where several other injured people lay. Apparently theirs hadn't been the only car accident today. Becky didn't look any different from what she had at the crash itself apart from the fact that she was now awake and screaming. A team of nurses tried to hold her down while she thrashed and cried but they weren't having much luck. Isobel froze in the elevator doorways and watched, looking paler than ever.

"Do something!" Elsie cried, forgetting for a moment that Isobel couldn't hear her. "Help her!"

Isobel started forward and shouldered past a young nurse. Elsie watched as calmness spread over her, the professional persona that Elsie had admired most about Isobel when they first met. Her colour came back and she squared her shoulders

"Becky?" Isobel said in a calm voice, as she took hold of Becky's hand "Becky? It's Isobel Crawley. Izzy as your sister calls me. You know me."

Becky stopped crying for a moment and stopped to study Isobel's face. Isobel smiled when the look of recognition spread over her face.

"Doc Izzy" Becky whispered, her voice hoarse from screaming "where's Elsie? I want Elsie! Where is she? ELSIE! WHERE IS SHE? PLEASE, ELSIE COME AND FETCH ME! ELSIE!" She started screaming again and thrashing around, kicking one of the interns around her. Elsie felt the tears start to stream down her face as she watched her sister lose control.

"I'm here Becky" she whispered softly, wishing that Becky could hear her. Isobel had gone pale again, and appeared to be asking one of the nurses questions. The nurse shook her head and Isobel bit her lip in thought. Again, Elsie watched as she buried the emotions deep within her. Becky stopped screaming long enough to draw breath and Elsie heard Isobel say in a tight voice

"Sedate her."

(())(())

Isobel Crawley had always been a woman to be admired. She was tall, with a handsome face and blonde hair that was always up in an elegant twist. Her looks alone were enough to turn the heads of many, but it was not her looks that Elsie had admired most about her when they met seven years ago. Isobel was a fighter. She had worked as a waitress for many years to put herself through med school. She was in the middle of doing her internship when she met her husband Reginald Crawley. He was older than her, already a surgeon and the handsomest man she had ever laid eyes on. They had a whirl wind romance, and were married within a year of meeting one another, despite her family's protests that he was far too old for her. She loved him and he loved her and that was all that mattered in the world to either of them. Isobel fell pregnant a month after marriage and dropped out of medicine to look after her child, a beautiful baby boy named Mathew. They were happy, even though Reginald spent a lot of time at the hospital and to Isobel's surprise she discovered she liked the domestic life of being a mother and a housewife. She was always the first mother to volunteer to sew costumes for the school concerts, always on time for the school run, and worked hard on the parent teacher committee.

But her almost perfect life was ruined one afternoon when Mathew was about ten years old. He and his father had run down to the supermarket, on a simple errand to find something for supper that night. A robbery had occurred and both Mathew and his father had been killed in the shoot out that had followed. Isobel had been broken. She was forced to sell her home and move back in with her parents, struggling to regain some control of her life. She had used the savings she had to go back to school and re-qualify as a doctor. She now worked at her local hospital as the Attending General Surgeon.

Elsie and Isobel had met seven years ago when Elsie had gone in to have a lump in her breast checked out. Isobel had been her rock while they waited for the results as well as during the months of Chemo that followed. When Elsie had finally been declared Cancer free, she had invited Isobel along to celebrate. They had been friends ever since. Elsie filled the gap in Isobel's life. She didn't have many friends, her housewives friends having abandoned her as soon as she wasn't one of them any longer and her being far too direct for most people. She inspired Elsie though and a part of her knew that she would never have beaten cancer if it hadn't been for Isobel.

Isobel was also one of the few people that Becky had taken to almost immediately, and she and Isobel shared a bond unlike any that Elsie had seen before. Part of it, she suspected, was because of Isobel's willingness to accept her and treat her like she would anyone else.

"So, Beryl tells me you fancy some snazzy hotel manager." Isobel had said one afternoon, as she and Elsie sat on one of the hospital benches one afternoon. Whenever Elsie was in town she would try and spend Isobel's lunch hour with her. It was often cut short by some emergency in the hospital but the little time they did manage to spend together was always worth it.

"Beryl tells you what?" Elsie spluttered into her cup of coffee. Isobel chuckled slightly at her reaction.

"She said that she invited you round to dinner and you couldn't keep your eyes of this man. Apparently he works at the Downton Hotel, the place, as it happens that you meet at least once a month with clients and your manager. I merely wondered if there was something you hadn't told me."

"I tell you everything, Izzy. He's a friend of Beryl's that I happened to meet the last time I was at the hotel. She then invited him round for dinner."

"Which sent you into a right tizzy according to Beryl" Isobel supplied with a grin

"You should know by now not to listen to everything Beryl says, she tends to exaggerate." Elsie growled into her cup.

'So there's nothing there?"

"There's nothing there." Elsie said firmly and Isobel fell silent. They sat there for a few moments, enjoying the cool breeze that ruffled their hair before Elsie added "I mean, he's nice. A bit uptight, maybe but not bad. Fairly good looking too. But you know as well as I do that I won't go there, with him or anyone else."

"Because of Becky." Isobel said in a matter of fact tone.

'Because of Becky." Elsie repeated. Isobel's pager went off and she stood up to answer it.

"Damn it, I've got to go" She muttered to herself "I'll call you later okay?"

"Okay." Elsie answered, getting up and hugging her friend goodbye. Isobel had started to walk off when she suddenly turned around again

"Elsie, I know you've dedicated your life to Becky and her needs. But you shouldn't have to live a half life because of it and I'm sure Becky doesn't want you too. If you like this chap and he likes you, which according to Beryl he does, then you should go for it. You only live once and life is too short to turn your back on half the fun of it. God knows I know this better than anyone. Promise me that you won't shut it down before it's even happened."

Her words hit Elsie like a slap in the face. She had always said that Becky came first. Her needs had always been so small in comparison and she had freely given up any hope of a social life apart from her very close friends. But when she stopped to contemplate life, she realised she was lonely. She had Thomas, but he was seeing someone and spent his weekends with him. Beryl had Bill and their daughter Daisy. Even Isobel had a casual relationship with one of the doctors she worked with. Elsie had always told herself that she didn't need anyone, she had Becky. The Hughes sisters, the two of them up against the world. But in the dead of night when Becky was asleep and the world was quiet she allowed herself to wonder what it would be like to have someone to lean on and immediately felt guilty for it. She turned away from Isobel, picking up her bag as she did so.

"Go and save a life." She whispered as she went.


	5. So, Dinner Then?

Elsie knew her body was now out of surgery. How odd that sounded, like her body and her lived different lives. But at the moment they seemed to be doing just that. It had just spent ten hours in surgery, while she had followed Isobel around the corridors of the hospital, yet she couldn't bring herself to go and find her body and check that she was actually alive. Instead she stayed where she was, sitting on an old rickety chair next to her sister's bedside. Her hand rested on Becky's elbow, her thumb rotating in soothing motions. She didn't know if Becky could feel her, but somehow it relaxed her. This was her role in life, the one she knew best, being the supportive big sister to Becky. She looked so peaceful, her bright red hair spilling over the white pillow she slept on, her pale skin made paler by the green hospital sheets. She was still sedated, but Elsie was sure she was dreaming because every now and then her eyelids would flutter. Elsie hoped they were pleasant dreams and not the horrible nightmares that had plagued her as a child. She was so delicate, so gentle. In a way she was in the wrong world for her kind soul. She still got upset when people treated her like a two year old, and got very self conscious when people started at her if she had an attack when they were in public. She got angry easily, and when she did her rage knew no bounds. But Becky loved. She loved her family, her friends and even the grumpy old lady that lived next door to them. She was the first to bring home strange animals to be nursed, from a puppy to a grasshopper and once a snake, much to her sisters horror. Elsie hated it when people referred to Becky as special in a condescending tone. Becky was special, but not in a way that deserved to sneered at. She was stronger than anyone knew, more loyal than anyone Elsie had ever met and far too soft to survive this world.

"Becky" a voice came from the doorway "oh dear god, Becky." Elsie looked up to find Beryl Patmore standing in the doorway. She had obviously dressed in a hurry, judging by her ill matched yellow jumper and bright green tracksuit bottoms. Her hair was flying in every which way and her eyes were filled with tears. She stepped forward and the room filled with the scent of baking.

"I didn't know who else to call" Isobel said, stepping in behind her. "Elsie is listed as her emergency contact and Elsie hasn't updated her own in god knows how long. Its still listed as that man she nearly married twenty years ago, and he died awhile back." Beryl nodded distractedly as she sat down next to the bed, opposite to Elsie. She ran a hand over Becky's cheek.

"She looks so peaceful." She whispered "will she be okay?"

"We don't know yet" Isobel admitted "If she makes it through the night she'll be okay. But the shock is still wearing off and she sustained a lot of damage. Her outburst earlier didn't help."

"And Elsie?"

"Elsie is even worse." Isobel answered, her voice tightening. "She came out of surgery about an hour ago and I will admit Richard didn't look hopeful when they came out. There's nothing left to do now but wait and hope." Isobel paused "do you want to see her?"

Beryl was silent for a moment.

"Not just yet" she said softly "I think Elsie would want me to stay with Becky." She sniffed and dabbed her eyes with a tissue she pulled from her sleeve. "Does Charles know?"

Isobel sighed and moved to sit gingerly on the edge of the bed

"I haven't told him yet. I don't have his number and to be honest I'm not sure he would come."

"Why on earth wouldn't he?" Beryl asked sharply "he loves her!"

"That last fight they had was a big one" Isobel said sadly "Last heard they hadn't spoken in two weeks. She never told me what it was about."

"Still, he'd want to know. I'll give him a call in minute or so, and god help him if that stubborn arse refuses to come." Beryl growled.

Elsie stood and left the room, leaving her two friends to continue their conversation quietly. She didn't want to hear the rest of their assumptions about their relationship. She wondered if Charles would actually come. He was cross with her, and she was still cross with him but she needed to see him. She didn't know if she was going to survive this, and she didn't want the last time she saw his face to be one tainted by anger. So probably for the first time in her life she prayed that Beryl would get her way. She prayed that he would come.

(())(())

When Elsie painted, she went to another world. She didn't notice her eyes were getting sore from the bright desk light. She didn't notice that Thomas had refilled her mug three times since she'd started. She didn't even notice when Becky bid her goodnight from the doorway. So it was understandable that when the doorbell rang she jumped so violently that she left a streak of blue paint across Lady Lovalot's wedding dress.

"Thomas!" She yelled, changing brushes and trying desperately to fix her mistake "If that's Jimmy, tell him I'm going to kill him."

Thomas swept past her studio door, cigarette in hand wearing a dark blue silk dressing gown and a grin. She heard him open the door and a few murmurs be exchanged. She rolled her eyes and went back to her painting. Those two would probably stand on the porch until the early hours of the morning chatting about anything and everything, so it came as a bit of surprise when he returned a few moments later, dressing gown tighter than before and the grin completely gone.

"It's for you." He grumbled before returning to the living room. Elsie frowned. Who could possibly be at her door at half past eight at night? She got to her feet and peered out of the window. She couldn't see the front door from here, but she could see the driveway. Parked in it was a sleek silver Honda that she didn't recognize. Frown deepening, she sighed and made her way to the front door

"Can I help you?" she asked, as she reached the front door. To her great surprise Charles Carson stepped out of the shadows.

"Er hi." He said, rubbing his ear which had turned a violent red "if you don't me asking, who was that?"

Elsie tossed a glance over her shoulder, towards the living room where Thomas was now lying sprawled over the couch and was flicking through channels. He looked up and Elsie stepped out and shut the door behind her

"That's Thomas, my flat mate." She squinted at Charles's face, which still looked decidedly uncomfortable "what did he say to you?"

"He opened the door yelling something about a man named Jimmy and what a beautiful beast he was. Then when he saw me, he said 'Oh hello love."

Elsie felt the corners of her lips twitch. Thomas has been in a good mood recently, thanks to his new love interest, but it did seem to lower his common sense. Obviously Charles was not used to being greeted in such a manner. Elsie elected to keep her mouth shut and tilted her head in question.

"Anyway," Charles said awkwardly "I know it's late, but my shift just got off and I happened to be passing by."

"You live three roads down from the Hotel." Elsie interrupted, raising an eyebrow "and how do you even know where I stay?"

Charles looked amused

"I might ask you the same question." Elsie didn't move and the man sagged "Alright, I drove out here specially after I got your address from Beryl. " He admitted

"Why?" Elsie asked, growing more and more suspicious by the moment.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to have dinner with me." Charles blurted "not now" he added, catching sight of her incredulous expression "this Saturday?"

"Why didn't you just call?" she asked, stalling for time. She didn't date as a rule. She'd leant the hard way that men and Becky didn't mix too well but Isobel's words rang in her ears. Maybe she had been playing in too safe. But could she put Becky through the heart ache of Joe again?

"I could have. But I feel it's better to do this sort of thing face to face don't you? That way there's no confusion."

Elsie's heart went out to him, standing there in the semi dark looking like a nervous school boy that had been sent to the head master. Dinner with him would be nice, but did she really want to complicate her life?

'Mr Carson-" She started to say

"Charles"

"Charles." She amended, leaning against the porch railing and avoiding his hopeful gaze " I'm flattered but-."

"Please don't say no." Charles said heavily "Beryl warned me that you probably would, but the truth is I haven't stopped thinking about you since that dinner at Beryl's. Its just one dinner. How bad could it be?"

Elsie looked over at him and bit her lip. He was right, it was only one date. Never to be repeated. Thomas wasn't busy this weekend as Jimmy was at a family wedding; he could take care of Becky for just one evening. Elsie couldn't even remember the last time she'd had dinner with someone other than Thomas or Beryl. Really what harm could it do?"

"Alright" she said softly and a smile lit up his face.

"Really?" he asked excitedly

"Really" she laughed "but nowhere too fancy? I'm afraid my wardrobe doesn't cater for anything that requires me putting on uncomfortable heels."

"I promise." He said seriously "I know just the place. So I'll pick you up around seven then?"

"Perfect" she agreed

"Great." He bounced on the balls of his feet for a moment, before leaning in and kissing her gently on the cheek. It wasn't a terribly romantic kiss, more like a peck on the cheek between friends but Elsie felt herself blush where his lips touched her skin. It was only later, when he had left and she was hiding from Thomas in her studio that she allowed herself to wonder what on earth she had agreed to.


	6. He's Here

"You look nice." Thomas said, looking up from his phone as Elsie clattered down the staircase, wearing a tight black skirt, and a glittery gold three quarter sleeved shirt. She had left her hair down and completed the look with a pair of low heels. Elsie ran a hand through her hair and ignored his compliment

"Are you sure you're okay with looking after Becky for this evening?" She asked, frowning in the direction of Becky's room. "I don't want to ruin your weekend."

'Oh please" Thomas snorted 'Becky and I have been planning this all week. We're going to eat unhealthy food and watch Disney movies in our onesies. I actually feel sorry for you that you have to go and get dressed up for a man."

Elsie rolled her eyes but didn't comment. She still wasn't reassured that she was doing the right thing. What if he wanted more than what she was willing to offer? She mentally shook her head and sighed. She was being silly. It was only one dinner. It never had to go any further than this. Besides, it had been years since she'd gone out with a man, it would be good for her. The doorbell rang, pulling her from her musing and she picked up her bag and coat. Thomas rolled over on the couch, his eyes fixed on his phone again.

"Don't rush home." He said with a smirk as she headed towards the door.

Charles was dressed in a pressed pair of brown trousers, a startlingly white shirt and a tweed jacket. He was holding a bunch of yellow tulips. He looked a bit like a collage professor, or the leading man in the Dan Brown books, a look Elsie discovered she found very appealing.

"Hi" she said shyly as she opened the door. He blinked at her for a moment

"Hi." He eventually said "you look nice...lovely actually." Elsie ducked her head as a blush graced her cheeks.

"Thank you." She said softly "you look nice as well."

"These are for you." He said, thrusting the flowers under her nose. She accepted them with another blush and a smile

"Thank you. Would you mind waiting while I put them in water?"

"Not at all." He said, indicating with his hand that she should go ahead. She smiled again and retreated to the kitchen. As she filled the vase with water she took a deep breath to steady herself. She had forgotten how bloody awkward dating could be. After placing the flowers into the vase, she walked back into the hallway

'I'm off." She called towards Thomas, who lifted a hand in farewell "don't let her stay up too late.' She added before shouting goodbye to Becky. She waited a few seconds for the vague reply she got and then returned to Charles.

"Ready?" he asked as she stepped outside with him

'Ready." She answered, feeling anything but. He helped her into the car, before getting into the driver's side and pulling off smoothly. To her surprise he didn't take the turning back towards the city but rather drove off further into the countryside. The ride was passed in silence, neither knowing quite what to say to one another. That was until they pulled up next to the lake, and Elsie gasped in the sheer beauty of it. He smiled slightly as he parked the car, and came round to open her door. She accepted his hand but didn't take her eyes off the sight in front of her. Night had fallen, but the lights from the restaurant, and the fairy lights that lit up some of the trees reflected in the smooth water

"Its beautiful." she whispered.

"hmm" he hummed in agreement "have you never been here?"

"Once." She answered "but it was awhile back and in daylight. It was beautiful then as well, but this...this is magical."

"Not many people really know it's here." He told her as they walked towards the restaurant. "The owners didn't want to turn it into a tourist attraction, and they don't advertise. They rely on word of mouth."

"Word of mouth seems to be working." Elsie commented as they walked in to find that nearly every table had people at it. A tall woman walked towards them, wearing a pleasant smile.

"Welcome." She said warmly "you must be the Carson's?"

"Charles Carson." Charles said, offering his hand and clearing his throat "and this is Elsie Hughes."

"My apologies" the woman said graciously "I shouldn't have assumed."

"That's quite alright" Elsie said, noting Charles' uncomfortable expression

"I've saved you a table near the window." She said "if you'll follow me?"

They were shown to a table for two next to one of the windows overlooking the lake. The restaurant had a relaxed atmosphere, with rough wooden tables and comfortable chairs. It was cosy, yet left enough distance between the tables that one didn't have to worry about what your neighbours could hear.

Both Elsie had Charles ordered fish, her the sole and him the fish and chips and Elsie left the selection of the wine up to him. He managed to find a pleasant white wine that complimented both dishes. It wasn't particularly fancy, but Elsie had never wanted to be wined and dined in five star restaurants. She appreciated the luxury in it, but this was where she felt comfortable, what she was used to. She was surprised that Charles seemed just as comfortable as she did, despite him having the high standards Beryl claimed he did.

Perhaps it was the wine or the cosy atmosphere but Elsie suddenly found herself relaxing and she and Charles chatted the whole way through dinner. She told him about growing up in the high lands of Scotland, and what she missed about it. He told her about the joys of growing up in the city and life at the hotel. His stories of the many odd and temperamental guests they'd had over the years had her in fits of laughter and it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't laughed this much in ages. Yet the thing that had struck her most was the tenderness that filled his voice and expression when he spoke of his goddaughter Mary. It made her heart swell and made her believe that perhaps he wouldn't be as adverse to Becky as the few men in the past had been. But she still didn't bring her up. She knew Beryl had probably told him, warned him not to ask her out if he couldn't accept her, but a part of her enjoyed the time she had without having to worry about her, as selfish as that made her feel.

In what felt like no time at all they had finished their meal and were the last table that still had people at it.

"There's a fine line between lingering and loitering and I think we've officially crossed it" she commented, glancing around to find the room empty apart from a man sweeping the floor.

"You're right." He said, blushing slightly and waving for the bill. The young girl who had been their waitress that night looked more than a little relieved and for the first time that evening a sense of guilt rushed over her. However Charles tipped her handsomely and when they left she was looking slightly happier.

"I was going to suggest a walk around the lake, but I think we may have over stayed our welcome." Charles said as they ambled slowly back towards his car. Elsie glanced at her watch to find it was nearly half past twelve.

"I agree."

He gave her a rueful smile and helped her back into the car. She couldn't help but notice the difference in the trip home from the trip earlier. Instead of being filled with an awkward silence, they now filled the quiet with cheerful banter. The trip flew past and before she knew it they had pulled into her driveway.

"Thank you for the lovely evening" she said, once the car had come to a stop "I had a wonderful time."

"So did I. Thank you" he replied, smiling softly. They lapsed into silence for a few moments before he said gently

"Maybe some other time?" Elsie blinked at him and he added "the walk around the Lake?"

"Oh." She answered, looking away from him. "Charles, my life is complicated. It is not my own and I don't want to get your hopes up."

"My life is not my own either" he replied, reaching over and taking her hand. "I have the hotel, so I never know exactly when I'll be free, I have Mary and I have the cricket club and the book club. But I can't remember the last time I enjoyed someone's company and I don't think I want to let that go."

"Me either" she found herself whispering, turning her hand over and clasping his

"So we'll take it one step at a time." He suggested "Nothing promised. No regrets."

Elsie closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of the leather seats of the car but there was something mingled in that was distinctly him. She allowed the scent to cloud her judgment and said

"Okay."

Charles squeezed her hand gently before leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on the corner of her mouth

"Until next time, Elsie"

))(())((

Elsie had not returned to Becky's room, hadn't wanted to listen to her friend's gossip about Charles. She knew that they only did it because they cared, but their words just made her fears more concrete. So she walked. She walked the busy corridors, filled with people waiting with bashed up family members, she walked the quiet ones where people sat waiting with baited breath for news of their loved ones mingled with others who's grief was too much to bare. She walked the empty ones and dodged busy nurses and doctors. In the end she ran out of space to walk and ended up leaning against the large glass windows that over looked the road and the parking lots. The snow had now stopped and had been replaced by large raindrops that seemed to race one another down the window pane. She lost track of how long she stood there, watching race after race and thinking about how life would never be the same again. She was Elsie, the woman who worried about her family, her flatmate, and everyone else she knew. She was the woman who painted the world around her in vivid colours. She was the woman who didn't know what life had in store for her, but hoped for the best anyway. It felt like the ground had dropped out from under her. She watched as car after car passed by, noticed the ones that parked and left again. It didn't register when a sleek silver Honda drew up. It wasn't until she saw him running down the pavement towards her that it clicked and she felt her heart rate spike. Because despite their arguing, and the harsh words she had said to him when she'd last seen him, he had come. Suddenly the world brightened again and she knew that no matter what she could get through this. Because Charles Carson was running. Because Charles Carson was here.


	7. Time To Say Goodbye

"I will admit, I never did like the man very much, but I have never seen someone love anyone as much as he loves you." A voice said behind her. Elsie whirled around and came face to face with Thomas. He wasn't looking at her, but rather out of the rain covered window, while wearing a sad expression. He looked the same as he had when they had left that morning, same stylish black coat and green scarf. There was no trace of the accident that had happened almost fourteen hours ago

"Thomas" she breathed and he finally looked at her

"Hello Elsie." He said with his signature half smile on his face. "I'd ask how you're doing, but I already know."

"What are you doing here? I thought you were-"

"Oh I am." He told her "I was gone as it happened. You saw me, Elsie, there was no way I could have survived that."

Elsie remembered how the blood had stained the tarmac, so much of it that she doubted there was any left in his body. He had looked perfect other than that, but the paramedics had barely looked at him before pronouncing him dead. Yet here he was, standing in front of her like nothing had changed.

"Am I dead too?" she asked, taking a step back and leaning against the windows for support. It was growing dark outside now, and she almost faded into the shadows. He chuckled slightly at her scared expression, he had always had an odd sense of humor, and shook his head.

'Your fate has yet to be decided." He said before laughing at himself "god that sounded mysterious. No, Elsie. I'm just here to say goodbye. Goodbye and thank you."

"Thank you? For what?" she asked and he responded by taking her arm and gently leading her back through the empty waiting room

"Do you remember when we first met?" he asked as they walked.

))(())((

"Hi, I'm Thomas, and I suffer from depression."

Elsie knew she shouldn't be listening in on the therapy session, it was after all nothing to do with her. She was supposed to be painting the large yellow room, filling the walls with beautiful characters. It was supposed to become the room where children could feel safe during therapy, but due to financial reasons it had never been completed. Recently they'd received a large donation, and she had been asked to come in and complete the painting at a reasonable price, and have it done in time for the opening which was in two weeks. She had been doubtful about agreeing to it, there were after all projects with far more money available to do. But this place had helped her so much, when she became Becky's sole provider and she felt that this might be her way of giving back. So she agreed and found herself eaves dropping on the group session that had set up shop in a far corner. She hadn't meant to, she had blocked out everyone else, but this man had a voice so filled with pain that she couldn't help but look up when he spoke. He was good looking, and the clothes he wore were obviously not cheap, yet she had never seen someone with such a defeated look. It turned out that Thomas didn't even want to be in therapy, but after the last attempt to take his own life the doctors had insisted.

To the outsider, Thomas had the perfect life. He came from a wealthy family, had a good job, and had looks that could kill. But he was lonely. Thomas was gay, and while many people had accepted him his deeply religious family had not. Family was everything to Thomas, and being a highly sensitive person it had cut deep when they shunned him. His father refused to let him into their large family house and even his two sisters had stopped calling him after a while. Life went downhill from there, when his boyfriend broke up with him after the family money stopped, he lost his job and he was due to be kicked out of his flat within the next week. In short, he had no where left to turn.

Elsie listened with interest as he told his tale, and listened in at all the sessions he was in from that day forwards. One day, the room had been empty and she had once more lost herself in her work when he suddenly spoke from the doorway

"Do you find my story entertaining?"

Elsie let out a little scream and leapt backwards

"Did I scare you? I'm sorry. I scare everything in my path. You should know this by now, you've heard it all." He was walking towards her now, with an almost cruel smirk on his face.

"I'm sorry" she said "I didn't mean to-"

"Listen in? Don't be sorry, I'm glad it kept someone entertained in this place. I'm sure the weeping gets a bit much." Thomas said, not looking at her but rather at the room as a whole. It was only half done, and the smell of paint clung to everything. He took a long drag from his cigarette, and gave her a sarcastic smirk

"Those things will kill you." She told him, nodding towards the cigarette.

"Good." He had answered, taking another drag. "I see no reason to continue living."

"There's always a reason." Elsie answered, picking up her brush and starting to paint again "and if you don't have one, you should make one."

"This may come as a wake up call, princess, but we're all going to die. Why not just let it happen sooner?"

"Because the time we're given is a gift. There are so many who love to have one more day on earth. Don't waste what you do have."

"Given to us? By who? God?" he asked sarcastically "haven't you heard? God doesn't want people like me."

Elsie sighed, and threw her paintbrush down in frustration.

"I don't know who gave it." She answered honestly "but I know we have it and shouldn't waste. For heavens sake Thomas, climb out of your bubble and find something to do!"

"Well," he commented, stubbing out his cigarette on the windowsill and heading back towards the door. "you're certainly a breath of fresh air."

Elsie words had made an impact though, because in the next few weeks he slowly started to rebuild his life, he found a job, made peace with the fact that his family wanted nothing to do with him and began to live again. She wasn't sure how it happened exactly, but somehow she agreed to him moving in with her, and she and Becky became his new family. He still had days when it was hard, like his sister's birthday or when he saw his father in town. But she was always there, to pick him up and remind him there was something worth living for. Becky adored him, and together they got up to all sorts of high jinks Elsie would rather forget. There were days when it seemed they did nothing but argue, but both of them knew that they'd always be there if the other needed them.

(())(())(())

"You saved me." Thomas said at her nod "no one had ever spoken to me like that. I had always been indulged, even as a young kid. You showed me that life was worth living again. Of course, it seems almost ironic that it should end like this."

"It isn't fair" Elsie said, her voice harsh from the tears she was trying to swallow. "You should still have had time."

"It isn't fair" he agreed "I should be able to see the world, I'm falling in love with a wonderful man, I was about to be promoted for the love of god! But Elsie, if I hadn't met you I wouldn't have experienced any of that. I would have died alone, miserable and no one would even remember me. Thanks to you, I died happy and loved."

Elsie stopped walking as she came face to face with Charles, who was talking to Beryl in a series of hushed whispers. Thomas, however kept walking until he reached the end of the corridor and stood next to Becky's room. Elsie tore her gaze away from Charles and hurried after him.

"If you make it through all this." Thomas said, looking over her shoulder at Charles "you should marry that man. You're going to need someone to take care of you in this world, someone to share that house with.

Elsie looked over her shoulder, before facing Thomas again and then letting her gaze slide towards Becky's door

"You're not just here to say goodbye are you?" she asked. His face tightened and he shook his head.

"No, I'm not."

Elsie felt the tears whell up and a sob catch in her throat.

"Will I be able to say goodbye?" she asked, trying to hold it together.

"Not face to face, I'm sorry." Thomas said sadly. He slowly opened the door and walked in, leaving her to follow and close it behind her. She glanced down the corridor, but neither Beryl nor Charles seemed to notice the door opening. She turned away and faced him as he made his way over towards her.

"Will she be okay?" She asked as Thomas stood next to Becky's bed and gazed down at her

"Of course" he said "she's going to a better place, where she'll be understood so much better than she ever was in this one. Your mother is already waiting for her."

Elsie nodded and wrapped her arms around herself before walking over and gently kissing Becky's forehead.

"Good luck" she whispered as she drew back. Thomas waited for her nod before reaching out to take Becky's hand

"Thomas!" Elsie said desperately and he paused "are you going to the better place?"

"I am, surprisingly enough." He answered, a soft smile on his face "don't worry Els, I'll make sure she's okay."

Elsie nodded as the sobs finally took over. Thomas blew her a kiss, before taking Becky's hand and suddenly the machines started screaming.


	8. Picnics and Noses

"I think it's time you met my sister." Elsie said one sunny afternoon. She and Charles were sitting on a blanket in the gardens of Downton Hotel. She had a meeting with one of her clients and it had neatly coincided with his lunch hour. They had escaped into a secluded corner of the gardens with a blanket and a basket full of food that he had convinced the chef to provide for them. It wasn't anything special, a few sandwiches, mini apple tarts and a bottle of fizzy lemonade. They had been on quite a few dates by now, never going further than a hug and a kiss on the cheek. Part of her worried that she didn't interest him in that way, but she shook it off. He had made it clear that this was a casual arrangement, and she suspected that he was very careful who he slept with. So was she.

She hadn't intended to introduce him to Becky, suspecting that it would be quite hard on her sister if he suddenly wasn't there anymore. But it was becoming harder and harder to explain her absences to her sister. She hadn't even intended to even mention it to him today, but he had been especially lovely, making her laugh and showing her his softer side despite the fact that he was still at work, and before she had known it the words were out of her mouth and hanging between them. Charles finished chewing his sandwich carefully and swallowed.

"That's quite a big step." He said in a measured tone, his expression changed from one of laughter to a very serious one. "Beryl told me that you're very careful about who gets to meet her, and that if I ever did get to meet her to consider it a honor." Elsie fiddled with the folds in the blanket beneath her, already regretting bringing it up.

"I know." She answered "but she knows that I'm not working all the times I'm with you and she's getting upset that I haven't told her."

Charles was quiet, watching her as she continued to fiddle, trying to figure her out. His expression hadn't changed.

"I'm sorry." She eventually said "I shouldn't have brought it up. Forget I said anything."

"No." He said quickly, reaching out and grabbing her hand "I would love to meet your sister. But only if you're sure."

"I am" Elsie confirmed, surprising herself "I think she'd like you."

"High praise indeed." He commented, a slight smile crossing his face much to her relief. She mirrored it and his hand came up to rest on her cheek. "Thank you."

"What for?" She asked, a little perplexed.

"For letting me in." He asnwered softly. Elsie ducked her head slightly to hide her blush, but his hand cupped her chin and lifted her head to face him again. Charles lent forward, running his thumb lightly over her bottom lip, his eyes flicking from her eyes to her lips and back again. Elsie found herself leaning closer towards him, her hand coming up to rest lightly on his elbow

"May I-?" He asked softly and she nodded quickly, leaning further forward into his kiss. He caressed her lips with his softly and smiled into the kiss when he felt her return it.

"I was going to say 'Kiss you'" He said as he drew back, his hand remaining on her cheek.

"I know" she answered before leaning in and capturing his lips with hers again, for a much deeper kiss with his arms around her waist and her fingers tangling in his hair. It was only when his lunch break was over that they finally broke completely apart, quickly gathered up the basket and the blanket and hurried back inside. It was a few days before she stopped smiling.

(())(())

The sun was just starting to set, turning the world a beautiful orange as Elsie nervously smoothed down her yellow summer dress and peaked out of the window. Yellow had always been Becky's favorite colour and Elsie had worn it in the hope that it help keep her calm when she met Charles. He was due any minute, having agreed to attend a movie night with Thomas, Becky and herself. Elsie couldn't help the flutter of nerves she felt in the pit of her stomach. She had done her best to prepare her sister for this introduction, telling her all about this nice man she was friends with, not to be scared of him because he was really just a gentle giant. Becky didn't know that they were unofficially seeing one another, and as far as Elsie was concerned she didn't need to know. Years ago, Elsie had plucked up the courage to introduce her to Joe Burns, a man she had met up with again after briefly dating him in her high school days. She had been going to marry him, had loved him. But Becky had never warmed to him, and the first day he saw one of her outbursts he had run for the hills. She had told him about her, of course she had, but apparently it hadn't been enough to prepare him. Years later he had written to her, apologizing for not being a braver man. He had loved her, but in the end he was too scared to commit, not to her but to Becky. He eventually met someone else, a woman called Ivy and they had been married for many happy years. She had replied to his letter, wishing him all the happiness in the world, and asked him to keep in touch. She had never received a reply. A few months later, she had cried for days when she heard that both of them had been killed in a car accident a few days after he sent that letter.

Somehow she knew Charles would be different from Joe. She had seen the love and commitment in his eyes when he spoke about Mary, seen how gentle he was with children who stayed at the hotel with their parents and most importantly, she had seen how patient he was with her. She hoped that she was right, that he would come to understand Becky the same way Thomas, Isobel and Beryl did. She was pulled from her musing as the sound of tires on gravel reached her ears. She smoothed her clothes one more time before heading towards the door, calling for Becky as she went.

"Hello" he said, as she opened the door to find him already nearly at her door.

"Hi." She replied with a smile, walking towards him and giving him a hug. He bent to kiss her, but she stopped him by putting her hand on his chest and pushing him slightly. "Not here" she said in reply to his quizzical look "she doesn't know."

He nodded and made to follow her inside. Elsie led him into their sitting room, where Becky was sitting on the couch next to Thomas. Elsie felt her heart swell when she noticed that Becky had put on one of her best dresses, a pretty green one, with tiny yellow flowers all over it. She had obviously dressed carefully, somehow knowing that this was important to her sister, despite Elsie assuring her that she didn't have to like him if she didn't want to. Elsie had forgotten how intuitive she could be at times.

"Becky." She said, taking Becky's hand as the she stood up. "This is Charles Carson. I told you about him remember?"

Becky nodded at her sister before turning towards Charles, her eyes widening as she took in his impressive height and build. She looked him over carefully before slowly offering her small hand to him.

"Hello" she said shyly, her grip tightening on Elsie's hand "My name is Becky, Els's sister."

Elsie felt her jaw drop. Becky very rarely spoke to anyone she had only just met, the exception being Isobel. It had taken her a week of Thomas living with them before she would open her mouth in his presence and on the odd occasion Elsie or Thomas had clients come around to the house Becky had hidden away, sometimes under the stairs or even out in the garden.

"Hello Becky" Charles said, somehow managing to lower his usual booming tone into one Elsie had only ever seen him use with her or Violet Crawley, the owner of Downton hotel. His large hand reached out to gently take hers, and Beck's hand soon vanished into the depths of his gentle handshake "I'm Charles. Elsie's friend. I hope you don't mind that Elsie invited me along to your movie night?"

Becky shook her head slightly and offered him a weak smile before turning towards her sister and stating innocently

"He has a very big nose."


	9. I don't know what to do, but I think I love you

Elsie sat in a dark storage cupboard, not far from where her body was currently lying. She hadn't bothered to turn on the light, because in a strange way the darkness was comforting. She had stayed in Becky's room while the Doctors tried to bring her back. Watched, as Becky's body was injected with medication she couldn't pronounce, oxygen masks were placed on her face, and when the shock plates were put on her chest in an attempt to bring her back. She knew it was pointless, she had seen the flash of light just before the alarms went off. She knew she could only see it because of the state she was in, but she wanted so much, to just tell them to stop. She stayed there though until the Doctors eventually gave up, followed one of them to a waiting room and watched as her friends received the news. Isobel was officially off duty, but she still hadn't removed the stethoscope from around her neck or taken off her white coat. She sat there in shock, staring at the floor with no expression on her face, while Beryl had sobbed into the lapels of Charles's coat.

"Should we tell Elsie?" Beryl finally asked, hiccupping herself into a little bit more control. Charles continued to pat her on the back

"Of course we'll have to tell her." He said "when she wakes up she'll want to know where she is."

"I know that." Beryl said softly "I mean now? I know that she might not be able to hear us, but should we tell her anyway?"

"No." Isobel interrupted, her voice hoarse, expression unchanged "I believe that Elsie will be able to hear us, and she's in such a fragile state. She's given up her life for Becky. She's her whole world, her other half in a way. I'm afraid..." Isobel took a deep breath "I'm afraid that she'll have nothing to live for anymore."

'She's Elsie though. She's a fighter." Beryl reasoned

"She fought for Becky." Isobel said bluntly "Please don't tell her."

She gave them both a hard stare until both Charles and Beryl had nodded their heads in agreement. They had sat there in mute silence for the next half hour, before Isobel eventually got to her feet.

"Come on. Let's go see her."

Elsie had followed them up to her floor, but before they rounded the corner to the ICU unit she had taken a sharp left turn, and had ended up climbing into a storage cabinet. It was only then that she allowed herself to sink to the floor, knees up against her chest and head tucked between her arms. Wave upon wave of grief had washed over her. She had lost everything, her roommate, her sister. Two of the biggest chunks of her life had been ripped away from her in the space of a few hours. She had woken up in the morning, excited for the trip and her head had been filled with the possibilities of life. She had shared breakfast with them, told Becky off for playing with her food. Rolled her eyes at Thomas when he criticized how she read a magazine backwards. Perhaps she shouldn't have been reading it at all, but rather enjoying the last hour on earth she had with them. She should have watched the story Becky was telling with her toast, she should have asked Thomas if he'd heard from Jimmy, or his Boss. Instead she had tuned them both out, and had lost herself in the delight of learning embroidery. Who would she buy expensive coffees for now? Who would she finger paint with? Who would she tell all her problems to or ask for fashion advise? Who would she stay up late and read to or watch movies with? Isobel was right; she had nothing to fight for anymore. Except, that she did. She had Beryl to live for, who she would still bake with once a week. She had Isobel, who she would still visit whenever she was in town. The three of them were a team, as much as she and Becky had been. They would still go to the movies, discuss good looking movie stars, debate the merits of Jodi Picoult and gorge on chocolate when everything went to hell, like they had always done. And she would live for him. And they would do all the things they had always done, like stay in bed late on the odd Sunday morning, chat over tea, and text one another at midnight. But they would do so much more as well. Together. Like they always should have.

))(())(((

"You have a thing for Lawyers. "Charles commented, walking into his sitting room to find her curled up on the couch in track suite bottoms and one of his t-shirts, watching yet another episode of Suits. It dwarfed her, coming almost to her knees, but she had adopted it as her own from the get go. Becky was at a camp that had been specially designed for people like her. Elsie had spent days agonizing over whether to let her go, but after much begging from Becky and prodding from Isobel she had finally relented, and had bravely waved her sister goodbye at the bus stop that morning. She still fretted though and up until Becky had phoned half an hour ago she was snapping at any one who annoyed her, her tongue getting sharper and sharper as the hours rolled by. Thomas had told her that he wanted the house for himself this weekend, so Elsie had found herself unceremoniously dumped on her own door step, overnight bag in one hand and car keys in the other. She understood that Thomas needed time by himself, and it wasn't fair to expect him to go to Jimmy's all the time, but she did wish he had given her a little more notice. She could have gone to Beryl's like she usually did, but she knew Charles was off this weekend and before she knew it she had arrived at his house. It wasn't the first night they had spent together. Since introducing him to Becky her walls had come down. She still hid their relationship from Becky, but around everyone else they would hold hands, kiss one another and even complete one another's sentences.

"shhhh!" She hissed, not allowing her gaze to leave the television. Charles chuckled and sat down next to her, pulling her back to lie on his chest.

"Your honor" he whispered, in that sexy low growl of his, causing her to giggle "I believe that Elsie Hughes should be locked up for life."

"And why is that counsel?" she asked, her attention no longer on the screen but rather on his amused expression

"She ignores the sweet man who lets her stay in his house, share his warm bed, and feeds her large breakfasts." He whispered, running his nose along her hair line, and dropping kisses on her soft skin every now and then "instead her attention is taken solely by the man on the television. The one with the perfect hair."

"That is scandalous Counselor." She said, turning over to straddle his hips with her thighs, and holding a hand to her heart. "What will her parole conditions be?"

"She must tend to the lovely man immediately.' He told her, running his hands up her thighs and over her hips. Elsie raised one eyebrow, as though she was thinking about it, before leaning down and giving him a heated kiss.

"God I love you. " He said breathlessly when she withdrew. Elsie stiffened and he quickly added "I'm sorry. That wasn't supposed to come out like that."

"Did you mean it?" she asked. Charles took a deep breath before meeting her eyes

"I did. I love you Elsie, and I know that we said no promises and I know that you might never love me. But I do love you, and I, well, I thought you should know."

Elsie studied his expression carefully before breaking out a brilliant smile. She leant forward and tucked her head into the crook of his neck

"I think Charles, and please remember that the no promises agreement still stands, that I might be falling in love with you too."

(())((())

Elsie stayed in the cupboard for a long time. She allowed herself to cry until she ran out of tears. She cried for Thomas, for Becky and for herself. She cried over the fact that she never told Becky what was Charles was to her. She cried that Thomas had never made amends with his family, and resolved that if she got through this that she would pay them a visit and tell them just how special their son had been. She cried over all the memories she had of both of them, and the memories they were supposed to make. She cried over all the terrible things she had said to Charles, and cried over the equally horrible things he had said in return. She cried over all the times she had laughed with Becky, Beryl and Isobel. Cried over all the wonderful times she'd shared with Thomas. She cried over Charles, and how wonderful and understanding he was with her, despite having had his heart broken in the past. She cried over all the little things that had filled her life before. Because none of that could ever exist again. But when she had finished, she picked herself up, wiped away her tears, and went to sort out the wreckage that was left of her life.


	10. I Am Not Her and She Is Not Me

Her body was worse than it had been before. She had tubes coming out of every place imaginable and the bruising and swelling had worsened. Elsie had taken one look at herself and had to fight the urge to run away. Her friends hadn't arrived yet, Elsie had left them arguing with the nurse on duty and had gone to take a look for herself, preparing herself for their reactions.

She imagined Isobel would be quite calm about it, having been trained to deal with this sort of thing. It was something she saw every day. Beryl would have a small meltdown before pulling herself together.

Charles would... well she didn't exactly know what Charles might do.

Elsie stood next to her head as her two best friends came around the corner. To her surprise it was Isobel's eyes that immediately filled with tears. She clamped a hand to her mouth to stop a sob from escaping before sinking down in a chair next to her and laying a hand over Elsie's.

"Oh Elsie." She whispered "how can you possibly recover from this?"

Beryl silently took a seat on the opposite side of her. She had gone pale, but no tears came as she reached for Elsie's hand.

"You say she might be able to hear us?" She asked Isobel who nodded. Beryl took a deep breath and started to talk

"Elsie. Isobel says you can hear me. I suppose if you can hear me you already know this. Elsie, I'll be honest, I've never seen you look this bad. But you're a fighter my girl and I need you to pull out what ever fight you have left and use it. Isobel and I need you." She broke off to look at Isobel, who was crying quietly "Charles needs you. He's here you know? He must have set off any number of speeding traps to get here so fast. He's waiting outside as they'd only let two of us in at a time and he said he needed time to prepare himself. I can see why. He's a good man you know, despite his faults that I've pointed out so many times. I don't know why you argued, you never told me. But he loves you Elsie. Come back for him and make it right. Because I don't think he can survive without you, and I know that neither can I or Isobel."

Beryl finished, for the first time that Elsie could remember she had run out of things to say.

Elsie frantically wiped away the tears that were building up again before suddenly Isobel began to speak.

"Every day I see families torn apart due to the loss of a loved one." She said, her voice high and grating. She sounded stuffy, and Elsie knew that if she stopped again she would break down. "so often the one that they lose is the one that holds them together, the one that breaks up the family arguments and fixes everyone's mistakes. Elsie, I know that none of us are blood related, and I know that nothing will ever be the same again. But you're our glue Elsie, and we need you. I know that you can pull through this, because every day, I see miracles happen. And if anyone is capable of a miracle it's you."

**(())(())**

"What's wrong?" Charles asked, looking away from the road for a moment to watch her face. She shrugged

"Just nervous , I suppose"

They were on their way to Grantham manor, a place just outside of town that had been in the Crawley's family for years. These days it was inhabited by Mary Crawley Talbot , Charles's goddaughter, and her husband Henry. Charles they had asked Charles to lunch and he had immediately asked if he could bring a guest, wanting the two people he loved most in life to get to know one another. Ever cautious, Mary had been hesitant, but after spending an hour on the phone to him, listening to the warmth that crept into his voice when he talked about her, she had grown curious and had extended a warm invitation to Elsie as well.

"Don't be. Mary is lovely. " Charles said, reaching over and patting her knee. Elsie nodded and was silent for the rest of the trip, choosing to stare out of the window instead talk. Charles didn't understand. It was clear that Mary meant a lot to him and he valued her opinion on everything. It was natural to feel apprehensive about meeting her.

They eventually turned into a long driveway, that after a few turns revealed a beautiful Tuscany Villa, sounded by a few oak trees that must have been a century old at very least. Waiting by the front door was Mary, her husband and her son George. Charles carefully parked the car, helped Elsie out and wrapped Mary up in a large bear hug.

"There's my girl, looking as lovely as ever." He exclaimed

"Uncle Charles, how wonderful it is to see you again. " Mary said once Charles had let her go and patted her hair to make sure it was still tidy. As Charles to shake Henry's hand Elsie took a moment to observe her. She had seen photos of the Crawley family in the papers before, they were after all quite well known, but she had never paid much attention to which was which. Whenever Charles had spoken of her she had always imagined that she was the one with friendly smile and the mischievous twinkle in her eyes that was apparent even in a black and white photo. She never imagined that it would be the taller one, with cold eyes who rarely smiled.

"And you must be Ms. Hughes." Mary said, once they had finished exclaiming over how well Charles was looking.

"Elsie, please" Elsie stepping forward and offering her hand. Mary shook it and inclined her head "Uncle Charles tells me you're an artist. You must allow me to show you some of the pieces we have in this house, I'm sure many people would kill to see them."

Her husband cleared his throat and she looked round with a smile "Henry is reminding me again that I am being a snob. My apologies, it's one of my many faults."

"Not at all." Elsie said graciously "and I would love to see some of your pieces."

Mary smiled and they all followed her inside.

"Isn't she wonderful?" Charles asked in the car ride home. The radio was on softly and he was tapping along to the beat on the steering wheel. Elsie thought for awhile before answering carefully. It would be easy to lie, and tell him that she was the best thing ever. But that wasn't Elsie.

"I can see why you like her; you have a lot in common."

"But you didn't like her?" Charles asked, correctly guessing the reason of her careful answer.

"I didn't say that." Elsie protested "I don't really have much in common with her except for you, and I'm constantly surprised that you find me remotely interesting. "

"What on earth makes you say that?" Charles asked, slightly affronted.

"Well let's face it" Elsie said "I really don't care what region the wine was made in, or under which King which battle took place under. You like the show of the upper class Charles, and I'm just fine with the underlings."

"Like Thomas." He said. Elsie narrowed her eyes at his disappointed tone

'Why do you have such an issue with Thomas?" she asked angrily.

"Well as you just said. We have nothing in common. He's a wild one, no order or discipline. He sponges off you."

"Sponges off me?" Elsie spluttered "what on earth gives you that impression? He pays half the rent, goes shopping once a week and never complains if I ask him to watch Becky. I hardly call that sponging."

Charles was silent

"Oh my god. It's because he's gay isn't it?" he shifted uncomfortably in his chair and muttered something under his breath. Elsie caught the word 'unnatural' and lost her temper

"Charles Carson! That is positively medieval of you! The poor boy has been through enough in his short miserable life and I will not have making it worse for him. What has ever done to you? I can't actually believe it."

"Yes well I'm sorry but that's my opinion. I don't understand why you prefer him over someone like Mary."

Thankfully they had just driven into her drive way because was going to say things she would regret if she stayed in this car. She found Mary cold and spoiled. She was genuine in anything she seemed to do, including bringing up her son. However, she bit her tongue and clambered out of the car.

"I don't know Charles, maybe I like the broken and down trodden. After all that's all I am right?"

With that she slammed the door and stalked into the house, not bothering to look over her shoulder as Charles reversed the car out at quite a speed.

When she had told Thomas what had happened he had laughed

"Oh Elsie." He had said "he doesn't need to like me. I don't like him either."

"But why can't you like one another?" Elsie had asked "you both mean so much to me."

"and that's why we're civil to one another. We have one thing in common. Our love for you Elsie. But I'm sorry, that is as far as it goes."

Elsie had phoned him later that evening and had apologized profusely. He had arrived the next morning with a beautiful silver bracelet in his jacket pocket.

**))(())((**

Her friends sat next to her for a good half hour before someone cleared their throat. Elsie looked up to find Charles standing there, his hands clenched at his sides, posture as straight as ever. But she could see he had been crying, his eyes were red rimmed and puffy and his nose was red. He wasn't looking at her friends but rather at her, her broken form lying in a hospital bed.

Her friends stood up and left. Isobel was leaning on Beryl and Beryl was trying to look brave. She patted Charles's arm as she past him. He waited until they had left before he sat down next to her and held her hand. It looked so small, wrapped up in his bear like paw. She had always laughed about it, but seeing it like this made her realize how incredibly small she was compared to him and how gentle he had always been with her in every aspect of their lives. Charles took a deep breath and began.

"Elsie.."


	11. Stay

"Elsie." Charles said sadly "if you could answer me you would probably call me daft for what I'm about to say. I'm so glad to see you. I know that you look like you've walked through hell and climbed your way out, but I have never been more happy to see anyone in my life. When Beryl phoned me earlier I honestly feared the worst. How could ever let you go without telling you how very sorry I am? I was stupid. We both were, I'm sure you'd agree. But now that I've come so close to losing you, I realized how utterly stupid it all was. What did any of it really matter? Our problems were small in comparison to how much I love you."

Elsie stepped forward and let her hand hover over his cheek, tears once again falling. He was right, it had all been so silly and now that Becky was gone she hated herself for everything she had done. She had never told her. They never kept secrets from one another, yet she had kept the biggest one from her out of what? It wasn't protection, even though that's what she had told herself. Had it been fear? Selfishness? She still didn't know. Perhaps she never would.

**(())(())**

Elsie was bored. She was standing in one of the large conference rooms of the Downton Hotel, which was decorated with crystal chandeliers, holly draped over the walls and mistletoe over the doorways. There was large Christmas tree in each corner, each with an array of Christmas presents underneath that would later be donated to the Children's hospital. It wasn't a sit down dinner so the tables were those tall spindly looking ones. Each table had its own snow globe which changed colours every five minutes. The room was darkly lit, given it a sophisticated fee, allowing the Christmas lights to look more beautiful than ever, and a band played soft jazz near the front of the room. Elsie had dressed in a stunning gold dress that hugged her curves and ended by flaring out over her ankles. Her dragon bracelet was on one hand, and she now had matching earrings courtesy of Thomas who had seen them in shop and "Just HAD to buy them." Elsie suspected that he was feeling guilty over the fights he had caused between Elsie and Charles. They had been increasing lately, often starting with a silly trivial matter and snow balling into something much much worse. She suspected that there was yet another one brewing. Charles had asked her to be his date to this Christmas function, and had left alone almost as soon as they had walked through the doors.

Honestly, she had much better things to do than stand her with her feet aching. She was leaving the country in less than a week's time and there was still so much to do. Traveling anywhere with Becky was always a challenge, and a twelve hour long flight...well that took extra planning. Not to mention that she had to keep Thomas's luggage under the weight limit.

She glanced at the clock that hung over the bar, it was going on for nine and she had barely seen Charles since they'd arrived at seven. Sighing, she drained her champagne glass, and headed for the front doors. She had just collected her coat and was in the process of sliding it one when she heard his voice behind her

"What the hell are you doing?"

His tone was not warm, and before she spoke Elsie somehow felt her own tone freeze to match his own

"Home." She answered "I have a lot to do, talking to complete strangers isn't one of them."

"Elsie, I told you that a lot of important people would be here tonight. I hope you haven't been rude. If you didn't want to come you should have just said so."

Elsie finished sliding on her coat and flipped up her collar before turning to look at him, and incredulous look on her face. "I hope you haven't been rude" she mimicked "I am not a three year old Charles! I don't need etiquette lessons from you! And yes, I did want to come. As your date, not as some bystander who crashed the party."

"Is this what this is about? Elsie, I'm the manager! I can't be seen slobbering over some woman. What example would that set for the rest of the staff?"

"I am not 'some woman' Charles. And I sure as hell don't want you slobbering all over me. But a little recognition wouldn't go amiss."

"They don't know I'm seeing anyone. I have a reputation-"

"Oh yes you beloved reputation! Heaven forbid that they see you're an ordinary man with heart. England would fall! I'm not someone who will wait in the shadows until you're ready to pay some attention to me."

Charles's face darkened, into one of sheer fury.

"Neither am I." He said in a scary calm tone

"What is that supposed to mean?" Elsie asked folding her arms and raising one eyebrow.

"Your sister?" He asked "Why haven't you told her about us Elsie? We've been seeing one another for over six months. How dare you accuse me of not paying you enough attention when the staff is around when you do the same when it comes to your sister!?"

"That's different! I don't do it because I'm ashamed of you; I do it to protect her. She wouldn't be able to handle it if we fell apart."

"It is _**not**_ different!" Charles bellowed, losing his temper completely "you either trust me with your heart or you don't and you've made it perfectly clear where you stand on this!"

"How can you say that?!" Elsie shouted back "you don't understand Charles, you don't understand her and you've made it perfectly clear that you don't understand me! How can you ask me to let you into Becky's heart when you have no intention of trying to understand what we go through."

There was a ringing silence when she had finished. Charles sighed and put his hands in his pockets

"You're right." He said and Elsie blinked in surprise "I don't understand you. I don't understand what more I can do to show that you can trust me. I think it's because you don't want to trust anyone. So go, if that's what you really want. Because I don't know what you want any longer."

"I want you to ask me to stay." Elsie answered "and I want to know that you'll have the patience with me and my apparent inability to trust anyone."

Charles shook his head

"I'm sorry Elsie, but this is far as I go. I won't beg you to do something you don't want to do."

Elsie felt a flair of anger flair up and without even really knowing what she was doing, she tried to undo the clasp on her bracelet.

" **Remind me never to argue with you again."** He had said as he wrapped around her wrist and clasped it **"I now see why Beryl refers to you as 'The bloody queen of Scots'."**

" **Is there a reason why you chose a dragon?"** she had asked, the twinkle back in her blue eyes.

" **Honestly? Because that's what you reminded me off. All fire and fury."** Elsie had laughed and reached up to kiss him before promising

" **I'll never take it off."**

"Fine." She snapped. "I guess we're at an impasse. So I'll go. It'll probably be easier in the end. Oh for the love of _**god**_!" Elsie swore violently at her bracelet that she couldn't undo with her trembling fingers. She looked up, tears starting to stream down her face to find that he was no longer there. He had already gone.

Frantically wiping away tears, she phoned Thomas to come and get her. When he arrived she sank into the familiar comfort of the station wagon seats and cried all the way home.

**))(())(())((**

"I know I promised Isobel that I wouldn't mention this." Charles continued, his own tears now flowing. "but your sister died earlier. So did Thomas. I know that I treated him horribly and I'm so sorry for that. I know Becky was your sister, and that she never knew exactly who I was to you. But I did love her. Almost as much as I love you."

"I know" Elsie whispered, not caring that he couldn't hear her "and she loved you. I'm so sorry Charles."

"You were beautiful that night. You looked stunning in that dress and like a fool I left you alone and made you feel ashamed of yourself. I will never forgive myself for that. You asked me that night" Charles took a deep breath "You asked me to ask you to stay. I didn't care if you stayed or went and I walked away. I'm so sorry Elsie. But I'm asking you now. I'm not stupid enough to pretend I can fix everything"

"You can't" Elsie said sadly

"But I know that Beryl and Isobel need you. I need you Elsie. I don't think I could live on this earth if you weren't on it as well. I understand if you want to walk away from me, god knows I probably deserve it. But for my sake, for Beryl's and Isobel's and all the other people who's life would not be the same without you, I'm begging you to live. I'm asking you to stay."


	12. Kaleidoscope

There was so much Elsie wanted to do in life. So many hopes and dreams that she had collected over the years. Many dreams would never come true, now less so than ever. She wanted to display her stuff in a famous gallery, she wanted to see the world. She had always wanted to fall in love, and have the fairy tale romance that so many young girls dream about. She had fallen in love, deeply and truly. But she had learnt that with love comes pain. A pain that can take your breath away, the same way joy could.

She didn't love easily. She loved her closest friends and her sister and that was about it. But both Joe and Charles had somehow been special. But like all humans, they both had their faults.

Joe's fault had not even been his own. She knew that Becky was not something to be taken on lightly, and she once she got past the heartache of losing him she had understood why he had done it. There was no point in denying it, despite the guilt, there had been moments when she herself had wished could run away from it all as well.

In a way, Charles had given that to her. A place to run to. When she was with him she didn't have to worry. It was him and her and nothing else mattered. She knew that she could turn up at his doorstep, tears pouring down her face because she had an argument with her sister or Thomas and he would let her in no questions asked. He loved her and she loved him.

Nothing would ever be the same, this she knew. She knew _**she**_ would never be the same. Apart from the scars that would remain on her body forever, there were also two very deep scars on her heart, where two people she had loved were ripped away from her in a blink of an eye. It would change her into someone that nobody knew. The question was would _**he**_ be able to adapt with her? Especially when she didn't know who she would be when she woke up.

_**(** _ _**()** _ _**)** _ _**(())** _

"Why do you love me?" She asked, leaning against him her legs stretched out in front of her on her couch. Becky was home, so it was a risky move, but she was asleep and Elsie prayed that she wouldn't have a nightmare and come downstairs. Charles stroked her hair as he pondered his answer. "that hard huh?" she asked with a smirk

"I was trying to put it into words" he answered softly, jabbing her softly in the ribs to make her laugh. "I love you for so many things Elsie." He said, suddenly turning serious again "I love how you chew your lip when you're nervous and how you insist that freezing chocolate makes it last longer. I love how particular you are about a cup of tea yet you'll drink any old glass of wine. I love when you fuss over your untidy hair, and how the colours of your eyes change depending on your mood. I love how I can say your name twenty times when you're reading and you won't hear a thing. I love the line of concentration you get right here" he touched her forehead "when you paint. I love how you see the world, not how it is, but in a variety of colours and shades. I love how protective you are over your friends, and over Becky, even when it's me you're protecting them from. I love how you're never rude to anyone, even the telesales people. And I love how you love me."

Elsie sat up and turned to face him, tears pooling in her eyes.

"Charles?"

"But it's more than that." He continued as though she had never spoken "there's something deep inside my chest, which came to life when I saw you at the hotel that day. I knew I loved you right then and there, and I can't tell you how or why. I love you Elsie, even though you're not the only person in the world who freezes chocolate. Something inside of me knows that no matter what, I will always love you."

Unable to speak, she had thrown herself into his arms, crying so hard that he began to worry.

"Elsie? Are you okay?"

She hiccuped herself back into control and nodded

"I'm fine Charles." She said softly, threading her fingers through the dark curls at the nape of his neck. "I love you. I love you so much. And I don't ever want to lose you."

_**(())(())** _

It was the memories that came first, the ones where she had never felt happier in her life. Climbing the hills with Becky when they were young lasses and feeling as though they were at the top of the world as they gazed down on everyone else.

The pride she felt when she wandered into a bookstore and saw one of the ones she had illustrated on display. The times when she finished a painting and looked up to discover that it was three in the morning, and her shoulders were aching but it was done and it was beautiful.

The hours she had spent with Beryl, cooking, baking or simply chatting. The memories they shared, the times they had laughed so hard that they felt sick afterwards. The hours of gossip and nagging from both sides, even the explosive arguments they had shared, were something to be looked back on with a smile.

The joy she had felt as she watched Thomas slowly coming back to life, instead of being the broken shell of a man that she had first met. Watching him fall in love ad accept who he really was.

The fear of god Isobel had put into her, when she had threatened to stop the treatment for the cancer, even though the beautiful tall doctor probably had another fifty patients to worry about. The disturbing amount of tequila shots they had downed when they went out to celebrate her health. How they had laughed about what happened in oncall rooms, and mimicked people they didn't like.

And him. The half smile he would give her when he was trying so hard to remain professional, the smoldering looks he would send her way when he thought no one was looking. The three page long emails he would send when he was away, most of it full of facts about where he was staying but there was always something written in them that was distinctly him. The way he would kiss her, so gently one moment, as though she might break and then kissing her as though he wanted to consume her. His deeply dry sense of humor, his sarcasm that could cut through steel if he so chose. Everything that made him who he was. Charles Edward Carson. The man she loved.

The pain came next, a burning that started at her toes and worked its way up until every inch of her body screamed in pain. Her vision faltered, and everything turned dark. She was dizzy, everything seemed to be spinning and she had no idea which end was up.

Her hearing came back. She could hear the machines she was attached to, the sound of his breathing, the quiet whispering of the nurses. Her fingers twitched, and his breath hitched. She tried to open her eyes, but the blinding light forced her to close them again. She tried again, slowly this time allowing her vision to adjust. She took a breath, and felt it burn her lungs. Her mouth was dry, so very dry but the thought of water made her want to close her eyes again. She swallowed. Once. Twice. The chair next to her creaked and suddenly his face came into view. His large nose, kind hazel eyes and the bushy eyebrows she loved so much.

"Elsie?"

**The End.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be a sequel, don't worry!! Thank you to those who have left comments, favorites, kudos and follows both here and on Fanfic.net


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